Sunday, February 7, 2016

[TITW] SNL and The Onion, AK-47s, The Illuminati

comedy news and politics +++

AK-47s (in Florida)

Kalashnikov USA of Tullytown, Pa., was importing rifles made by Kalashnikov Concern, the original AK-47 manufacturer in Moscow, until 2014 when President Obama imposed sanctions against Russia following its annexation of Crimea. At that point, Kalashnikov USA severed all ties with the Russian company.

The company started making the guns in Pennsylvania last year, but is shifting manufacturing to Florida. Kalashnikov hasn't said why they are moving or how big the Pompano Beach operation will be.

[...]

The Kalashnikov brand dates back to the Stalin era of the Soviet Union. Based in Moscow, Kalashnikov Concern makes the AK-47 assault rifle, named after its designer, Mikhail Kalashnikov, and the year it went into production, 1947.

AK knock-offs are widespread, produced in many countries including China, former Soviet countries and also the U.S. But the true Kalashnikov brand is seen as something special by American collectors, and prices for the weapon have spiked since Obama's sanctions on Russia halted imports.

-"Kalashnikov cranking up AK-47 factory in Florida" (CNNMoney -- January 27, 2016)

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Kalashnikov designed his first machine gun in 1942 after suffering injuries as a tank commander for the Soviet Union's Red Army during World War II, but it wasn't until 1947 -- after years of tweaks -- that the AK-47 was introduced for Soviet military service.

The weapon, recognizable by its banana-shaped ammunition magazine, became known for its simple effectiveness. It was easy to use and maintain, and it was reliable in extreme conditions, be they hot, cold, wet or sandy.

From the early 1950s, it became the standard weapon for Soviet and Warsaw Pact countries, according to IHS Jane's. The gun also proved popular with paramilitary groups: It was so successful in Mozambique's successful rebel movement of the 1960s and 1970s that its image appears in the national flag.

[...]

The Guinness World Records book recognized the AK-47 -- AK being a Russian acronym for "Kalashnikov's machine gun" and 47 standing for its debut year -- as the world's most common machine gun.

-"Mikhail Kalashnikov, inventor of AK-47, dies at 94" (CNN -- December 23, 2013)

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Is [redacted] the only woman in the Illuminati, and do you need to kill a man in order to get summa at Harvard?

"Denver, Colorado is an evil place"

"Hugo Chavez has been difficult to work with in the past."

-"This Man Claims He Was in The ILLUMINATI…Now He is Telling All" (Conspiracy Club -- Feb 24, 2015)

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Illuminati “researcher” Professor Griff from hip hop group Public Enemy believes that Jay Z, Nicki Minaj and other celebrities all had to sacrifice someone close to them in order to be able to join the Illuminati and achieve success. Kanye West chose fame over his own mother while basketball legend Michael Jordan had to give up his father.

-"How to Join the Illuminati" (Illuminati Rex -- "Illuminati Rex is fictional and for entertainment only. Illuminati Rex is based on numerous conspiracy theories, some are probable while others are completely made up.")

+
According to The 66 Laws of the Illuminati, women are goddesses and should be treated as such. Nice, right? But if you're thinking of joining, you better step up your game. Only women of the "highest quality" are welcome in this super-secretive organization.

-"Even the Illuminati is all about gender equality — here's proof" (SheKnows -- Sep 25, 2014)

Alas, Harvard does not own The 66 Laws of the Illuminati. Though it does have:
American hysteria : the untold story of mass political extremism in the United States / Andrew Burt.

Scope and content : "The American story of blacklists, scapegoating, conspiracies, and cover-ups that have taken over national politics throughout our history when the mainstream has adopted extremist fear that secret networks--from the Illuminati and Freemasons to Communists and Muslim terrorists--have infiltrated society and threatened destruction from within"--Provided by publisher.

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